Friday 25 November 2016

Recovery on Black Friday

Black Friday 

Day 2 after losing my third baby, this time to a silent miscarriage.  
While thousands will be searching for that Black Friday special deal today on an item.
 I am at home recovering from my 3rd baby loss, after discovering I was having yet another silent miscarriage, where for weeks on end I was excited we were going to have our 2nd baby and feeling positive this time it was going to be okay but to go along to the scan to discover my baby simply was not growing and never had a heartbeat, has totally shattered me for a third time. 
It really does hurt deeply. 
Now knowing that I have been carrying a baby around for weeks that was never going to make it will always haunt me. 

In regards to recovery this time round, I feel a lot weaker and after having to go to the pharmacist to gain help to seek a doctor's appointment because the two receptionist decided medically and mentally that I did not deserve to have a telephone appointment after undergoing surgery to remove my very much baby. 

The reason I chose surgery is because I still have flashbacks to my stillbirth baby girl Sinead who was born at a later gestation and was very much my precious first born baby. 

Knowing that natural birth to miscarry is not an option, I have to take risks to have this surgery, which after gaining a second opinion to reassure me that my baby had indeed died, and having a scan on the same day as surgery to confirm this because mentally you need to be sure. This is by far the hardest thing women will ever have to endure, knowing you going for that scan, and in the bottom of your heart you seek that miracle but you know that you going to see your baby without a heartbeat is really hard 

 So yesterday I was very sore and tender and suffering from the shivers and having no bowls movement was the last shaw, and so very upset that I had to go to the pharmacist to gain medically care, the receptionist informed me I had to ring the ward I had been discharged from and even went on to say that they could arrange transport to send me back to the hospital which is 45mins away, but when I rang the ward, they sent me back to the GP! I am still angry that my local area has no support for women like me and I am sure that if I been Duchess Kate that simply I would have been seen. 
Therefore my hero of yesterday is my local chemist who helped me gain a doctors appointment that I really needed for not only my physically state but my mental state as the night before could not sleep for the fear of worry that my body was not recovering to great, and the hardest part is that my body is still feeling very much pregnant yet I no longer have that baby inside me. 
After seeing the doctor I received the medication I needed to help my recovery physically, as for mentally there is still no referral for EDMR therapy and this is all down to funding, I like to know if the same would apply to the Duchess of Cambridge Kate 
I not sure why we have to fight to be looked after when losing a baby, which is why I wanted to find out the tests available before I was discharged as simply you are wiped off the system having to pick up the pieces.
Having battled to seek change from my first loss, I know it be pointless to complain because no one wants to admit fault, no one sees the importance of improving care or looking after women like me who loses their baby, even the local midwives could not help.
 It is like sorry you no longer have a baby, if you get any worse go to out of hours, now us women know our own bodies, if I say something is not right, it's simply not right, so why should I have to struggle, why should I have to travel 45 mins after recovering from a general anaesthetic? In which I was throwing up in the middle of the night, I really do not feel that I had to disclose personal details to both the receptionsist's who quite frankly were not listening to help but listening to reply to say we do not want to help and pass the buck onto someone else to deal with me. 
(If I can help many families so can you, it really does not take much to help someone in need of help, its far easier to say no, than do something about it) 
 But really what happened to emergency care on our doorstep, and we talk about saving costs in sending patients back to the ward they came from, which was pointless because they sent me back to my GP, who then told me to go to A & E, yet that was the only thing on offer, seriously this is not financially good and what about the best care for me, is it really acceptable to have no support during this time, physically or mentally? 
It really is no baby, no support, deal with it!!!
Back to me, I am praying that in the next few days the painkillers kick in, and the tenderness settles down the cold and hot shivers calm down, I am so glad I ask the chemist to help me see the doctor even though I had to break down in tears to seek this. 

Please while I recover help us keep Little Heartbeats going, like the posts on our page here,  https://www.facebook.com/PpromAwarenessUK

 and share your stories of PPROM in pregnancy, because right now, another mum has PPROM, and unlike me, these pregnant mothers unborn baby have heartbeats, and where we have heartbeats we have hope. 
Every baby should be given the chance to live, 

 and while they do have heartbeats we will do our best to support them through their pregnancy and regardless of what happens we know the support afterwards is vital....

Please in memory of my babies that are too beautiful for earth please donate to either 
Little Heartbeats supporting pregnant mothers through pprom and to invest in our PPROM information packs or to the stem cell patch project.

So far after telling people I am going through this, only one person has donated to Little Heartbeats which I am truly thankful for,  and I am appealing for all my friends and family to spare me one thought, and think how long I have been trying to make a difference and spare a few quid, it is so very heartbreaking I struggle so much with this, both with having another baby and fundraising, and every day I see families desperate to keep their very much wanted babies, and I for one think they are worth saving.

You can't save my babies, my baby heartbeat stopped beating and yet again I have to bury yet another baby....

but you can help save the life of someone else's baby....

Because to go through baby loss is simply heartbreaking and rubbish and someone has to do something about it. I like to be one of them to do something about it, can you help me succeed?

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Therefore here are giving links to make donations, 
1. To donate for Little heartbeats 
or via paypal little.heartbeats@mail.com 
2. Donate to the stem cell patch here, 
For the stem cell patch to look at invention for PPROM, which we desperately would love this to happen, I cannot wait for the scientists, doctors to come up with this stem cell to be able to reseal the membranes, this would make the fight for answers for Sinead worth every bit of hard work, therefore I plea for my daughter Sinead, my first born baby who was too beautiful for earth, for you to donate, for all of Sinead's angel friends who died because we could not find a cure, this is the closet invention we can find and unless we invest in this PPROM research, well more and more women like me will lose their babies,  which should NOT be happening when we have a solution which can be possible if we invest in this!!!
This is me here in this video below, I am very scared of heights but I jumped because I totally believe in research,  and PPROM support and our PPROM pack and I totally do NOT think it's just one of these things!! 
The only time when there is no reason is because we have not taken the time to invest in research, and we missed the right time to investigate.
One day in the future baby loss will be taken more seriously like cancer research is, because both of these are serious medical conditions which are life threatening and why should we dismiss baby loss just because some think it is easy to have another child, if it was that easy, why have I lost 3 babies? 
I may never have a sibling for my daughter which breaks my heart, but I will try once more, and I will keep raising PPROM awareness and I will gain our charity status for Little Heartbeats 
Charity number xxxxxxx will be here one day very soon!!! 



Also lets also hope that the doctors will also finally give me EDMR therapy to help me to live with the loss of Sinead too, and that in the future it does not take 6 years to confirm that I had PPROM, and in future women will be screened and treated for PTSD as matter of course.

 One day I pray that the hospital will do what they promised and share my story of PPROM and that they have our posters up as some other hospitals in the World have it, it is about time that us women were listened to, and taken more seriously, aftercare is vital, why should I have to struggle with this, I work so hard to change things. 

I truely hope in the end my hard work pays off.

My pprom loss video story is here, one day I will share my story in full



 #BlackFriday #babyloss #Breakthetaboo #InvestInBabyloss #NeverForget #Heartbroken #PromiseWeWillgainchange 



Petitions for anyone who cares to sign are here as follows:- 
1. Miscarriage petition, to gain changes in care, and offer better support, please sign our petition here, 

2. PPROM petition, many changes are needed to the care of pregnant mothers who PPROM, many inconsistent care is given, and many are given the wrong information, which is why we are campaigning for change here,  https://www.change.org/p/jeremy-hunt-treat-pprom-as-it-states-as-emergency-lets-save-babies-lives 






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